Yebisu! The drink of Gods!
by Mashadar
Summary: Have you ever wondered how Misato could afford those mountains of Yebisu beer and still not have enough money to pay for her Renault? Here's the answer. One Shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. However, I do own Yebisu. Ahh yes that sweet nectar. hic

[_thoughts]  
_

ANNOUNCEMENTS

'The TV'

(Action scenes)

  
Yebisu inc. Headquarters 2012

High up in the office block that houses the beer giant, Yebisu inc., two figures are deep in conversation. Down on ground level, placard carrying demonstrators march up and down, decrying the corporation for its products and generally blocking the road.

"Sir, the protestors are back."

The man seated on the high backed chair sighed. "The usual message I suppose? Stop causing accidents with our beer?"

Now it was time for the woman to sigh. "Yes sir. They seem to be gaining a common voice with our consumers though. Sales are slipping."

The loud screeching of a car can be heard, followed by panicked yells and screams. Looking out the window, the two see a blue Renault, clearly exceeding the speed limit, weaving through the crowd of demonstrators amidst much screaming and the squeal of tortured rubber. Placards and food goes flying in the air as the people abandon their cargo and leap to safety. Miraculously, none of the demonstrators are hit despite the crowded conditions. Then the formerly airborne cargo comes down on the heads of some very disgruntled demonstrators

And then the car is clear, streaking away from the angry mob as they throw placards, half-eaten foodstuffs and other debris as they express their displeasure at the mass near-death experience they have just gone through. Watching the increasingly small silhouette of the car, the man smiles as a gleam appears in his eyes

"Miss Yumiko? Please find me the number of that driver. I believe I have an interesting idea."

XXXXX

Misato Katsuragi. Young, lovely and rash, she followed her guide down the hallway leading to the office of Kaito Takahashi, the president of her most favored company, Yebisu inc, producers of that sweet nectar of life which she regularly worshipped, drinking that ambrosial golden liquid by the gallon. Admittedly, she was a little nervous at receiving such a call from them. What could they possibly want with her anyway? But now was not the time to worry, she was inside and facing her patron god, St. Yebisu, Master of the brew, Lord of beer, Kaito Takahashi.

"You are Miss Misato Katsuragi?" he placed his hands on the table, looking at her expectantly.

"Yes, I am Misato Katsuragi."

He paused, weighing her behind his spectacled eyes before proceeding. "You are aware of the mmmm.... difficulties that some people are making for us? The ones who think our fine product is the cause of accidents?"

[_Oh Kami-sama! He's going to ban me from taking his product_] she angrily thought as her voice rose in protest. "But I don't see why they would be interested in me. I never had an accident and-" she trailed of as he had begun laughing.

"My dear Katsuragi, the reason I called you here is because of your driving." He held up a hand to stave of her protests. "But it was your skill at it that drew my attention, not any chance of your being in an accident while under the influence hmmm?"

She flushed.

"Now I have a deal that may prove beneficial to the both of us." A twinkle in his eyes. "I am given to understand that you greatly enjoy our fine Yebisu beer do you not?"

"....yes"

"Excellent, here is what I want you to do. Don't worry about compensation, I promise it will be worth it."

As she listened to his plans, a mischievous grin graced her own features.

XXXXX

1 month later, a TV advertisement

First there was blackness. Then bold words appeared, starkly printed in white against the dark backdrop.

DO YOU DRINK?  
  
(Camera shows a pile of brand-x beer cans)  
  
DO YOU DRIVE?  
  
(A driver in a car. He's clearly drunk.)  
  
DO YOU WORRY?  
  
(A car wreck is shown, the car is turned upside down and there's glass and blood everywhere. An outstretched hand from the car window is seen. A can of brand-x beer rolls from it, spilling its contents.)  
  
WORRY NO MORE!  
  
(Misato appears, getting into her car, a six pack of beer in her hands.)  
  
A SOLUTION HAS ARRIVED!  
  
(The camera zooms in, showing that the six pack is indeed Yebisu. It zooms out and shows her tearing out one of the cans and chugging it down before getting into the car.)  
  
A MIRACLE LIKE NO OTHER!  
  
(View switches to an aerial camera, showing a blue Renault streaking down the road. Ahead, heavy bumper to bumper traffic crawls.)  
  
HONK! SCREEE! AHHH!!! LOOK OUT!!! CRAZY BITCH!!! AIIEE!!!  
  
(The Renault is streaking in and out of the traffic, miraculously avoiding pedestrians and cars with equal ease.)  
  
OH NO! IT'S HER! RUUUN! AHH! GET OUT OF THE WAY!! MAMA! WHAT THE HELL!?  
  
(Now balanced on 2 side wheels, the car is weaving past traffic that is packed so close, even motorcyclist can't navigate it. If one cared to risk life and limb, you may be able to notice that up close, the driver is emitting a golden aura.)  
  
DRINK YEBISU!  
  
(The car clears traffic, still balanced on 2 side wheels, and pulls a 360 degree spin before slamming down on the tarmac. Out comes a familiar red jacketed lavender haired woman. She pulls out the last can of Yebisu, pops it and chugs it down before facing the camera, a grin on her face, fingers flashed in a 'V' sign.)  
  
THE DRINK OF GODS!

XXXXX

The next day

'...And sales are still rising ever since Yebisu corporation's new advertisement has hit the streets. Market analysts are saying that this is the strongest market share that they have ever seen and are predicting additional growth. In the stock market, Yebusi inc. shares have more than tripled in price. This is-'

Misato flicked off the TV with her remote as she lazily reached for her thirty eighth can of Yebisu for the morning. Blearily she looked at her only other flat-mate. "You know somethinsh hic Pen-pen, thish ish hic the life. All the hic beersh we could eversh want." She dissolved into a fit of ecstatic giggles

"Waaaark!"

XXXXX

THE END

A/N: Believe it or not, the original idea for this fic came from the combined conversations of the wonderfully zany people at the apartment 402 forums. It all started when someone wondered whether NERV pilots were paid. It eventually snowballed into a question of how Misato could afford all that beer. Well dear readers. THIS is the answer.

No prereaders were used in this one shot fic. I hope you found it funny. I know i did.


End file.
